Starting Over Ain’t Easy!

coffee ring and penStarting over isn’t for anyone except yourself! A writer doesn’t really care whether she has an audience when she starts over. It’s about new direction and how she feels. How she’s gonna make things better for herself!

Initially, I wanted to be the best I could be for my readers. Now, I just want to be me. If readers get my best, that’s gravy, but what they will get is honesty—and honestly, I don’t give anybody, including myself, my best everyday. Some days I’m trifling, lazy, no good, and I just want to be alone. Other days I love life, people and I’m raring to go.

This “ish” (writing) is hard. The hardest part of it is the amount of time you spend in your head, spinning the story and listening to the character. When you come out again, time has passed and the world has moved on. You seem moody to the people who matter most to you and they seem a little distant. Perhaps, because you have been so comfortable holding them at bay while in your ‘other world’, they don’t know if they can trust you to really be present.

I understand the need for writers camps and author’s hiatuses. But—I’m gonna give it another shot and really, that’s all anybody can do. Writing, like everything else we aspire to, is full of fits and starts. I applaud writers for even wanting to start up again. People love me when I’m present, and I don’t get paid enough for being MIA while writing!

It would be so easy to call it quits. So easy to say, “it’s too hard” and stop trying—but the stories just keep on coming. If I’m left alone for even a few minutes, I hear voices! They start talking to me and I have to write down what they’re saying. I wish I could get free of this. LOL! Not really! It’s a blessing to be creative!

So Glad I’m Finally Here!

New Day

How I Start My Day as a Writer

  • Wake: 6:00 a.m.
  • Rise: 7:00 a.m.
  • Stretch and Yoga: 7:15 a.m.
  • Make Coffee; Check Twitter, FB, Blair’s Musing, Goodreads, Amazon KDP: 7:45 a.m.
  • Hang with Hubby (while still checking social media): 8:10 a.m.
  • Update on local and national news via hubby’s DVR’d reports, Sports Center, and internet: 8:20 a.m.
  • Enjoy morning Smoothie (made by hubby): 8:45 a.m.
  • Time to write! 9:00 a.m.

I asked God for this life! All those mornings when I was still working a government job, this was what I really wanted to do. Ask and it shall be given! Seek and you will find!

It’s not morning to me unless it’s light or the sun is shining! Once the final dregs of winter are over and it’s light at 6 a.m., I’ll rise and begin my day a little earlier. So glad to be here!

Mom, Dad, I’m Gay!

Photo from Abiola Adams. @abiolatv

Photo from Abiola Adams. @abiolatv

If you were gay, how would you come out to your family? Would you begin to behave in ways that might send signals? If you weren’t an effeminate man and you couldn’t act swishy even for the sake of discovery, what signals would you send?

Do you flat out tell your folks you’re gay and suffer all that sadness and disappointment in their faces? Your father has set nothing but examples for how alpha males should behave.  He’s infamous for his alleged sexual prowess with women. Your mother is sexy and feminine! She would be wounded to discover that you love sex with men as much as she does.

Your brothers are just that—brothers! They’re supposed to know everything about you and yet you’ve kept this fact hidden from them since forever. How do you come out to your family?

That is the dilemma I’m having with my new book. You might think that I’d have trouble with the love scenes, but honestly, the love scenes pretty much write themselves. It’s getting inside the head of the character and feeling his pain. That is so difficult for me as a storyteller because I have to get it right!

Things Grand’Mere Says

Grand'Mere's photo

Lenore Limon (Grand’Mere) as a young woman

In the second installment of The Benoit Erotic Romance Series, Moonlight on the Bayou, I introduced Lenore Limon, the matriarch of the Limon family and the grandmother of Estelle Limon Benoit.

I am no carnival act. I do not tell fortunes or sell potions. But, I have a powerful belief in the spirits. The Limon women, my daughter and granddaughter, have a powerful belief, though their’s is not as potent as Grand’Mere’s.”

She bowed her head in deference to her reference of herself as powerful.

Grand’Mere, as she invites everyone to call her, is feisty and spirited. On leaving New Orleans, even to vacation, she says, “I haven’t been any place else. I don’t want to go any place else. I don’t want any parts of an airplane. If Spirit intended us to fly, He would have given us wings. What do other places have that we don’t have right here in Nawlin’s?”

On improving the city she says, “Nawlin’s is in our blood, honey! What we need to do is straighten this place up. The Quarter is a mess, but it didn’t just happen. After the war (World War II) the Vieux Carré (the French Quarter) changed. Developers came and tore down all the beautiful old buildings for “progress”. People who used to live there had to move away.

I’m proud to have been a part of stopping their plans to build an expressway along the riverfront and I’m proud of my part in getting “National Historic Landmark” status for the Vieux Carré. Mostly, I’m proud that I have a man in my family like Paul Benoit.

Paul helped to fight! He purchased and restored some of the loveliest old residences back to their origins, even if nobody but rich folks can buy in the  Vieux Carré !”

The photo above is not an actual depiction of Lenore Limon, since she is a fictional character.

Part 2—Eleven Ways Mainstream Porn Misleads…

buttLast Friday I commented on this article:
I promised I would get back Saturday with comments on numbers 3, 4, and 5. I’m going to stop making promises. Because I write, there is always some doubt as to what I will do the next day. When the writing is flowing, I may not get back to another subject for eons, as is the case here. However, I have found my way back to my ‘musings’ and this is what I think:

3. That “sexy” is purely physical, and incredibly specific:

If by purely physical and incredibly specific the author means we have to be touching and stroking, then I have news for the uninitiated. Sexy can be in your voice—the way your mouth moves when you talk. It’s in how you turn a phrase, or how your throat ripples when you laugh.

Sexy is the way a man gently touches your elbow when he guides you into a room, or the way his hand caresses your back when you dance.

4. That men don’t like women with hair “down there”: “I thought men would expect completely hairless women and they would be repulsed by me.”

It depends on the man. Hair down there is natural and most men aren’t repulsed. If a man tells you he doesn’t like it then he is either used to something unnatural; or he has created a fantasy for himself that involves shaving there. Whatever you decide, together, it should make you happy. It can get awfully itchy when the hair begins to re-grow! I’m just saying…

5. That orgasms are almost effortless: “I thought orgasms were much easier to achieve than they actually are. As a result I thought something was wrong with me…”

In the beginning, orgasms are difficult because we don’t know what we’re looking for. We tend to think that the entire act of being intimate, and of course, intercourse itself, is all there is. It took many couplings before my I achieved my first orgasm and that was through cunnilingus. I’ll never forget it.

6. That men only find certain bodies (white, toned and smooth-skinned) attractive: “It did make me think that only women with perfect bodies ever had sex.”

I’ve found that one man’s fat is another man’s perfection. One man’s lumpy is another man’s smooth. It goes back to number three. Sexy is not purely physical! It depends on the man. If he is enamored with the whole of you, he will worship whatever body shape and color you offer.

I’ve had fun with this article. Now, I need to go test some of these theories! LOL!!!

Eleven Ways Mainstream Porn Misleads Women About Sex

UntitledRead this article:

My response to a few of the complaints.

#1. Their bodies were abnormal.

Wrong: When you share your body with the right man, he won’t be focused on your body. He’ll be focused on the pleasure. Pleasure is forgiving and ignorant of the minor failings of the body. He is yours. You’re good!

#2. That all sex focuses on the guy’s pleasure.

Wrong: Bring your guy into the 21st century. His woman is at peak when she’s comfortable and free. Ladies, slow the roll. Freak him by squeezing and relaxing your muscles. You’re a player. It may take a moment to show him how you like it, but it’s worth the relationship.

TOMORROW: 3, 4, & 5 ,Ways Mainstream Porn Misleads Women About Sex.

It’s Hard To Stay In The Moment

Nude bronze

It’s hard for me to stay in the moment. As a writer, I always meet my characters in pictures, songs, certain nuances from strangers, or even in words uttered by a television anchor or a newsprint story. When I promise my husband that I am all his and that I can sit down and enjoy a tv show or when my friends ask if I can come out and play, I mean well.

It’s not on purpose that my attention is stolen by characters in my head or characters who are trying to nudge their way in. It’s hard to stay in the moment. The bronze statue (pictured above) whispered something exciting. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you solve it?